


12/30/75

by sunlight_moonlight



Category: Suspiria (2019)
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Crushes, Diary/Journal, F/F, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Other, Self-Insert, Slow Romance, Useless Lesbians
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:01:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23518108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunlight_moonlight/pseuds/sunlight_moonlight
Summary: A journal entry, written by you, musing and gushing about a certain Russian woman.(Posted from mobile)





	12/30/75

**Author's Note:**

> the writing here is a little awkward because I wanted to emulate an actual handwritten journal entry as best as i could! And yes the ship is you/olga but bc i'm on mobile I can't add it lol x_x enjoy!

12/30/75

I wish it was easier to communicate feelings between women. Feelings besides 'friendship', obviously. I can't tell for sure where Olga stands w. me...it seems the same as how I feel for her but there's no room to express it, no flexibility, no space. For us. I'm coming to terms w. how I feel about women (and that's definitely part in due to being in the company) but the lack of  space in society, openly and in general, is so stifling. Sara's helped like she said she would, but we just aren't made to be  comfortable enough to speak honestly + openly about our feelings. My mind, rationally, says that Olga 'likes' me, but my fearful mind says 'but does she?'. I feel this way because she hasn't flat out told me anything yet. But she seems to be much closer to me now...she hangs around me a lot, sort of 'hovering' but not in a bad way, more like just closeness, even around the others. She comes to be w. me when I'm alone, on her own accord, & she seems to like it quite a lot...makes me feel so fuzzy inside. She cuddles up close to me on the bed, not like a full cuddle but she does sit against me sometimes, and she gets so warm and sweet with me. It's a quiet way that she wasn't with me in the beginning, and still isnt w. any of the other girls. It's soft, heavy eyelids & heavy lashes, little serene smiles. It's  affectionate , that's the word. Olga of course is affectionate w. the others when the situation calls for it, but with me...it does feel special. With me, she goes out of her way to do it, on her own, randomly. We've begun to sit closer each time, too. She's just so soft. And the last time, she took my hand. We ARE awkward with it sometimes, or we were at the start, but that's subsided so much in the last 2 weeks. Her taking my hand was like the next big 'step'. I wish she'd just tell me, say something about her feelings… though I feel like she does want to. I can see it on her face, I think, like an urge, or 'wanting'. But for me, I love her. I'm in love with Olga Ivanova. She's so beautiful, and so funny when she wants to be & so kind , despite what others may think at first. She's my moody, sassy but empathetic and careful Olya. I hope she'll hold my hand again next time, even more firmly & tightly. I hope she loves me too.

\---- Aus


End file.
